Pressure

I can feel it weighing down on me. I feel as though I am 5,000 pounds and struggling to walk across the room. The pressures of living the perfect life are taking their toll.

Get good grades. Become involved. Be flawless. Go out and have fun, but not too much fun. Study three hours a day. Get an education. Maintain a job, a high paying job at that. Make friends. Listen to your parents. Don’t break the law. Look socially acceptable when going into public. Eat a healthy diet. Work out. Have a steady relationship. 

Woah, woah, woah. Did I sign up for this? The constant nagging from society is killing me here. 

Maybe I want to eat junk food and sit on my couch all day. This may be acceptable every once in awhile, but it is not okay to do this everyday according to society. What if that is how I want to live my life? Become a fortune teller living under a bridge with only half my teeth, that’s my dream (only kidding). Whatever I want to do, is somehow frowned upon in today’s world. This is awful.

Who are these strangers trying to influence me to be? Barbie? I don’t think so. Unless she is brunette, moderate in size, opinionated (sometimes too much), loves to eat and absolutely hates running, I’m not so sure I can fulfill this social norm. If this keeps me from finding my Ken, then so be it. I will be happy with who I am. 

I love my obnoxious laugh; it’s memorable. I love my crazy family; they keep me sane. I love the way my cats and dogs come to me to snuggle; they don’t care what I look like. I love the way my hair looks when I wake up; messy and beautiful. I love not wearing make-up in the summer; it’s so natural. I love the way my friends accept me for me, flaws and all. I love the way I am human. 

As humans we can not be flawless. PERFECTION IS NOT ATTAINABLE. These are our lives and we only have one. Lets not waste our time making sure we have others’ approval. Be yourself because if people can’t accept you for who you really are, they are just fooling themselves trying to be that ‘perfect’ person. 

Now I’m not saying go out and become a low-life. Just go out and be yourself. Our flaws make us different from one another. Embrace it. Cherish it. And most of all, just love yourself. 

This Moment

This moment is mine. All mine.

I don’t have to share it. I don’t have to worry about pleasing others. I get to focus on ME. For once in my life, this is about me.

 

Welcome to Mizzou, Allison. The first day of greetings began and no one knew how excited I was to begin this new life. It was time to say goodbye to the small town I have known for the past 18 years of my life and venture off into the “city”. 

Change is inevitable. Since the day I left to Troy to this very moment, my little world is being exposed to the large ocean of the unknown. I have never seen such diversity in just one place. Sometimes my mind doesn’t even know how to take in all of the quirky things I have seen. I find myself more open to trying new things and reaching out to people I would have never even considered before. 

In my journalism class we were thrown in with the sharks within the first two weeks of being here. Already writing stories for them to be posted online to our class website. My articles were posted under my name, I repeat, MY NAME. Like what? Can this be happening? Allison Spence is writing for CAFNR Corner Post. To some that may not be a big deal, but for me this is huge. I was never into writing in high school. I was the photo editor for our yearbook for two years. Never had to write or design for anything. Now I come to college and start writing. This was a change I never saw coming. 

There are some changes I did see heading my way. As my friends and I split ways, I saw our friendships begin to split as well. Sometimes I feel as though my friends don’t even know I exist anymore. Which is okay! We are all going our separate ways, I get that. I think this just hit me harder than it has before. My closest friends hardly talk to me. We went from being with each other every day to going weeks without catching up. Of course we are all busy and have things to do, but if you can make time to go play on the internet for an hour, you have time to shoot a fast text saying hello. Yes, phones work both ways, but if I don’t receive a text back the first time I am not going to keep trying to get ahold of them. When I do go home I feel ignored or unappreciated by uncalled for actions which honestly keeps me from wanting to come home. Sometimes I think I take this harder than I really should, but then I realize there is nothing I can do about it. 

On the flip side, I have come to realize that there is more to life than just that little town. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE my hometown, but I knew I had to leave. The fields of corn and soybeans were not going to teach me how to grow as a person. I knew it was time to venture out. So I did and here I am. 

I have learned to cope and accept these changes. From the gross food to the loud city noises coming from the streets outside my dorm, I have adjusted to this new life. All of my new friends make me realize how real this is. I am at college. This is happening. Not quite sure what is in store for me here, but I guess I am fixin’ to find out!

This is my time. This moment is mine.